What is your desire for God?
This post was created by Josh VonGunten on 1/23/25 in support of the Canvas 40-day prayer journal practice.
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What is your desire for God?
This question can feel awkward and mysterious. The first time I was asked this, I squinted my eyes and asked, “what do you mean?”
What is your desire for God?
On one hand, this question is very simple and taking it in the simplest of terms helps to cut through any confusion. A clarifying and helpful parallel would be, “what is your desire for food?” or “what’s your desire for sleep?” Like these two examples, this question appeals to the intelligence of your body, an awareness that is deep, intuitive, and felt more than it is calculated or deciphered. In this way, this question invites us to simply become aware of our level of want for closeness with God.
On the other hand, this question is mysterious, expansive, and might take some time to come around to. It invites us to relate with God in ways that may feel foreign to those of us who come from church settings that mimicked a classroom environment where we learned, analyzed, and lived in our heads. So many of us have been conditioned to primarily relate with God in terms of what we believe or think about God while deeper more formative questions of desire and longing go unnoticed, or worse, get relegated to “woo-woo” territory. Yet, if you’re familiar with the psalms, you’ve glimpsed a sensibility where the inquiry and expression of desire for God is central. Psalm 42 is a great example. In the ancient world of mystical Hebrew poets, to be in touch with and aware of one’s desire for God provided a defining way of making sense of one’s orientation.
In James K.A. Smith’s illuminating and upending book, “You Are What You Love,” he methodically dismantles the conventional notion of our western “thinking” anthropology, which has made the tragic mistake of construing the human as primarily a “thinking thing.” In contrast, Smith writes, “to be human is to be on the move, pursuing something, after something.” He shows how our actions and beliefs aren’t so much logical products of clear sober reasoning but rather, flow downstream of what we want. Desire is what determines our direction. In our day, when information is so widely available and prioritized, we’re seeing more and more people who know the bible and claim to speak for God, but do not actually desire the kingdom Jesus talked about. Our culture has emphasized obtaining information over cultivating desire to it’s own peril. This is why being aware of what we want and how much we want it, is so very critical. The stakes are high.
Building on this foundational idea of desire as central, next, Smith shows how worship (in our current context for practice, prayer) contains the power, over time and through consistency, to shape and form our desire. Ultimately, if we want to want something, the more we give our attention to that thing, the more we will want it. Our desire grows in the direction of our habits and attention, which is why we are capable of chasing good or bad things all based on what we devote our attention to. Simply put, we become what we gaze upon or as Smith puts it, you are what you love. Attention = worship.
What is your desire for God?
As we consider this question each day through the 40-day prayer journal, I invite you to step aside of any old energy that would divert this beautiful inquiry into the fraught emotional space of a classroom. The invitation is to be open, honest, and aware. The environment and vibe is Psalm 23. This is a setting of safety, delight, and warmth. Be at ease with yourself, however you come. This means your answer to this question some days might be, “not much” or “I don’t know” or “maybe just a little.” These too would be expressions we see in the Psalms. This isn’t something to feel bad about but rather, something that provides the gift of awareness. It's a way of making yourself known. Relinquish the tired burden of evaluation and receive the gift of grace. You are welcomed and loved by God just as you are.
Here's something important I’ve noticed, sometimes I come to prayer kind of cold and disinterested but as I get going and keep going, somewhere along the way, I feel the first warm rays of the sun slowly rising on the horizon. Making note of this dynamic has been helpful for me. I’m learning about myself that initially I may not want to pray, I may not have a taste for God, but as I step forward, something changes. It’s like walking into an amazing restaurant full of aroma that awakens your hunger. When I show up and place myself within proximity of what is good, true, and beautiful, my feelings come in line with my location and some desire for God is awakened or discovered. In my experience, desire for God often changes or becomes more clear as a result of drawing near. To observe the subtleties around how my desire for God awakens by showing up and sticking with it is a key insight into the sublime inner workings of the spiritual journey.
Friends, here’s my encouragement: as you journal and pray, share with God whatever you feel and notice about your desire. If possible, allow this question to be a light-hearted, fascinating inquiry into the depths of who you are and where you find yourself. Don’t focus on right answers, focus on being present, attentive, and honest with God, the one who loves you and loves being with you however you come.
