Something Better Than Agreement
Thoughts on Interacting with Fellow Christians Who Think Differently
By Jenni Smith
The past few years in our politically fraught American culture have made me feel a little disoriented for the first time in my 30+years of following Jesus. I’m uncomfortable talking to other Christians who think differently from me. I find myself making judgments about them and assuming they make judgments about me. I wonder - is there a better way? How do I lean into the uncomfortable instead of avoiding it?
Sometimes I find it fascinating that Jesus surrounded himself with (and intentionally picked!) people who were extremely different and probably annoyed with each other most of the time. We often clump the 12 disciples together as one homogenous group without remembering the differences they had with each other. They all had different personalities of course, but the most stark differences could be seen perhaps in Matthew the tax collector - someone who had cooperated with Roman authorities and was hated by his own people - and Simon the Zealot, who acted intentionally and possibly violently against Roman authority. Their first meeting together had to be awkward at best. This ragtag group of men certainly had a lot to work through, but the common denominator that brought them together was Jesus himself.
We don’t get a great glimpse into the intimate conversations they had, or how they solved disagreements, but it was clear Jesus just expected them to do life together - around the table, in service to others, and in following him. He sometimes gently corrected them or conversely, firmly admonished them depending on the situation, but he was also extremely patient. What stands out to me recently is that Jesus didn’t try to convince them to agree on everything with each other, but through proximity and leadership showed them how to live together and love each other well. As they practiced this new way of life with each other, it translated to how they interacted with others.
I also need to be reminded that my main focus is on following and being discipled by Jesus. If I do a Google Earth pan out view of fellow Christians from my home to my neighborhood to my city, sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the divide I see in theology or political views. My first tendency is to see the differences instead of what binds us together. When a fellow Christian thinks so differently than me on a theological or policy issue, it makes me balk and want to run to the comfort of my bubble of similarly minded friends. However, when I seek to ask questions, get curious, and not make assumptions - remembering they also desire to follow the same Jesus I do - it helps me remember the human behind the issue or voting preference. Carlos Whitaker, author of the book “How to Human” often says “don’t walk on issues, stand with people.” Uncomfortable conversations and conflict are a natural part of our life. Somehow our over-familiarity with the biblical story, at least for me, sometimes leads us to forget that Jesus also didn’t live in a bubble of like minded people. His ancient context was also set in a time where he lived in a politically charged, occupied nation where people of many nationalities were forced to live together (Romans, Greeks, Judeans/Palestinians, Samaritans, foreigners) and where even their Jewish religion had divisions of thought and practice (Sadducees, Pharisees, Essenes). Jesus saw all this, acknowledged it, but then met people where they were. He didn’t try to convince them to change their mind about something or tell them they were wrong - but to follow him, trust him, have faith, or just ponder something. In looking at him, they were able to see themselves and their situation differently. In looking at Jesus, they often took action to leave sin, set aside differences, humble themselves, or lean into uncomfortable situations.
My hope is that this election season and into the months to come I can lean into interacting with people the way Jesus did - looking at them, listening to understand, and building relationships over tables and neighborhood sidewalks. When we look to build relationships, the people come first before the issue. Will we still have stark differences and opinions? Yes. Will we often have to set boundaries and call people out - and possibly make enemies out of others - when serious things like racism or dehumanizing need to be condemned? Yes. Jesus made bold, countercultural moves to include women, the sick and disabled, and other outsiders his Jewish peers considered below them (for example Samaritans, or even Romans such as the centurion). He engaged with enemies such as the Pharisees with firmness, honesty, and/or asking questions that got them thinking. He was not frazzled by them and did not let them distract him from his mission of preaching, healing, instructing, loving, and calling out injustice.
Leaning into living with people who think differently or in some cases, feel like enemies is a difficult task. But it’s in this hard, tedious work that the true kingdom of Jesus is being built by coming together to follow him in new and beautiful ways. The good life, as Jesus calls it, is unreachable if Christians who disagree never talk to each other or learn from each other, or if we let our politics or personal preferences disciple us instead of Jesus himself. Ultimately, Jesus’ vision of truth and love and peace will prevail. Let’s not hinder it by digging in our heels - let’s go out into the world of fellow Christians with courage, curiosity, and vulnerability to forge a better way.
